On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
