we have pet lesbian snakes
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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