He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
