Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
