you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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