he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
