He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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