I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize