We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we made out on top of his cat.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize