i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
