This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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