Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
