your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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