Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
