One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
