Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
