Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
