I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
