I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
