im having a threesome with these popsicles
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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