Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize