But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
