The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
