Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
