so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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