you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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