Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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