the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
