I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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