So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
