OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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