Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize