Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
