WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
