Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
