I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize