The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
