Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
