Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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