just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I could make wine with my vomit
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
