R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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