i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
