Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
