Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
