also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
They have beer where we have blood.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
