Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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