please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
