I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
