So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
