Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You took a bar mat shot.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
