Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
as a side note pls kill me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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