you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
