Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
