so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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