Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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