hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
