We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
