I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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