He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
