your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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