It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Boobs are out for the taking
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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