found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
