She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
