I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
