am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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