singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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