And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
