I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
