I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize